Summer of Alana: 2007

Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Festivus is upon us!

Festivus was actually created, not by Seinfeld, but by a Reader's Digest writer Dan O'Keefe. It was made popular by his son who was a script writer for Seinfeld.

So What are the main rules or tenents of Festivus?

Is there a tree? No, there is the Fetsivus Pole. It is an aluminum pole (or alu-min-ium if you are british), that requires no decoration in opposition to the christmas tree- because tinsel is distracting.

There is also the airing of grievances that takes place during the Festivus dinner around the Festivus pole. It consists of lashing out and complaining about how you have been disappointed by those around you and the world in general over the last year.

After dinner is completed come the Feats of Strength. Traditionally, the head of the household selects one person at the Festivus celebration and challenges that person to a wrestling match. Tradition states that Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned in a wrestling match. This can continue for hours until the head of household is so exhausted that they easily loose.

There is a company in Milwaukee that makes Festivus poles- send one to loved ones in IRAQ!

Now for real holidays?

What are the most popular Hanukkah gifts this year? Well I am about to tell you, and Happy Hannukkah, bytheby.

You can never have too many menorahs. Re gift them to friends- use a new one every year. Menorah.com claims to have the world’s largest selection, and they do list an overwhelming number of categories on their site, crafted in all kinds of media. There is a special category for children’s menorahs, as well as sports, Disney and novelty menorahs. Nothing says Hanukkah like the Disney pantheon on fire- mickey's head a-flaming.

For the Hebester in you or your friend think about checking out Rotem Gear- they have some hilarious t-shirts.

Or why not just stop by the local QFC and pick them up some He'Brews. Always a welcome treat.

Or just buy them a blow up driedle so they can put it on their lawn and not feel left out because they don't have Christmas lights.

This is Charlie (and Eli)... and he is a cutie. Her pictures of him are amazing. Check on his progress daily!

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

South Park and You #2

Because the images didn't fit in one post, this is a continuation:

This is the Guy from Halo 3

This would be Me.

Tom Wilson

Emily

And of course, Ian.

South Park and You

So I made some South Park representations of friends last night because I was bored- ah part time work, so here they are: If you want one done of you, please just leave a comment and I'll make one and put it up!

This is Bren

Joanna

Kyle

Quiggley

Sam at Halloween

What is it with...

What is it with Golden Retriever being named Bailey. I thought when we named out late pup Bailey we were being original- I mean afterall we were naming her after a liquor. But I looked on the Dailey Puppy today (after I had my fill of cute from cuteoverload) and there were two pups named Bailey- and both goldens.

Then I decided to google golden retrievers named bailey, and here are some of the lucky Bailey's of the world:

This pretty boy in Hawaii (oh how I envy him), and next to him is Cap'n Bailey at the helm

This little guy was stolen from someone's house in Brisbane Australia! How sad!

And this guy lives with a proffessor right here in Washington

This Guy is a champion Agility pup, now that he's all grown up!- But doesn't he look all cute all boxed up!

And this fat little man is just too cute:

So then I decided to google dogs named duff, and most of the results related to Hilary Duff, le sigh. But there was one interesting note referring to Santa's little Helper from the Simpsons being the mascot for Duff Beer under the name Suds McDuff.

The term duff- according to wikipedia- also is broken english slang for useless, which is prefect because that is what I always wanted to name a dog, based after the hunting dog in Monarch of the Glen (an awesome British/Scottish Tv Series).

Duff is also gaelic for dark, black being dubh- as in Dublin--which means black pool.

There was an Australian company who actually made a Duff Beer, but their were sued by Twentieth Century Fox and thus the cans had to be pulled of the shelves and destoryed, making them collectors items in the process.

DUFF also stands for Double-Ugly Flying Fucker, a nickname for the F-4 Phantom II fighter jet

Microsoft Surface Parody

This is an unbelievable video- and by that I mean believable- and hilarious

Great Video

Justin was giving me crap about blogs wherein I said I would talk about one thing and then I never go on to do it. Well I will back track and do that, but First I would like to show you all this video

Some people have WAAAY too much time on their hands.

UPDATES

I have also updated my link list to include some other friends blogs if you are bored, and some links to things like the afore mentioned Free Rice Site and other sites like thesuperficial.com which always provide hilarity.

enjoy.

It's Green Outside

Actually, as long as it is not gray outside I am fantastically happy- yesterday was the epitome of misery- and for some reason I thought being outside and running with the pup was a good idea. One of the worst mistakes I have made in the past weeks- and let me tell you, there have been a lot of mistakes.

ANYWAY

A couple of interesting points: If anyone didn't see the episode of 30 rock when NBC was doing its green week- you should youtube or download it- as it is worth seeing- pretty funny

- and if you don't watch 30 rock, you are missing out on Alec Baldwin at his best.

Speaking of Baldwins (no relation)- the guy who plays Jayne on Firefly I saw in some mainstream show the other day, and that just gave me the giggles- glad he's got work- I like him.

My friend sent me this site- its pretty nifty (there is a word that hasn't been used in a decade). It is called Free Rice. Free Rice has two main goals: Provide English vocabulary to everyone for free and help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.

The deal is that it lists a vocabulary word and you choose the correct answer for a list of four or five possible answers. For every correct answer, you donate (through the use of corporate sponsors and advertising) 10 grains of rice. Now that may not sound like very much- but play everyday for a few minutes- brush up your vocabulary- and help someone. Literally all it takes is the click of a button. THIS BUTTON.

ALSO I was told about a substance called paperstone which resembles soapstone

(which is one of the softest stones) and is used in bathrooms and the like- similar to the uses for granite and marble (which is also semi-soft-aka easy to damage or cut with knives, etc). Paperstone is made of recycled and compressed paper- and acts much the same as other resin based home products used for tables and counter tops, etc. I just think it is awesome that this exists- and it comes in all kind of colors and whatnot. Some of these companies also specialize in bamboo composites called plyboo- and it looks pretty.. RAD... that's right, RAD. check it out.

New and Improved

Alright so I am going to pretend that October and up till this point in November the internet has not existed- therefore I have no need to regale you with the trials and tribulations of my life- and so we start anew.

There, I said it-- now let the games begin.

LONG LOST at Last?

So sorry my dear readers- I must have been having too much fun at tiki bar parties, babysitting rowdy great dane puppies, placing second in bar trivia/winning sweet paraphernalia, and opening new shoe stores to really have bothered with you. You can see where the priority lies- mostly at the tiki bar. Sadly my camera was out of comish- as it were, but there are a couple of gems taken by eve and I think I have one of Duff all decked out in his sexy lei- not quite as bad as those people who put sweaters on dogs, but not much better either.

Until I feel so inclined- hopefully more tonight or tomorrow to enlighten you about past events and alert you to the greatness that is Tiki Bar Tv, you will have to settle with this http://chir.ag/stuff/sand/

have fun- and don't forget that on the bottom you can change what you are doing. If you grow a plant- water it.

The Salmon Dance

Salmon Facts:

When Salmon are about to spawn (usually when they are fat and dumb enough for me to catch them) they look much different than their ocean stage. I vaguely remember having a vat (if you will) of baby salmon in the hallwayof the old Lakeside middle school building, where we would study and watch them progress from fry to smolt stage. Anyway right now is the end of Humpy

Season (Pink salmon)

and Coho are running now as well on the inside of Vancouver Island this year as opposed to the outside. Apparently Pinks are the dumbest of the salmon species having a weaker navigational sense and weaker homing instinct, so they often don't spawn in their native stream. This is why they are easy to catch. They practically jump in the boat if you have a Humpy special on your line!

You can catch Chinook (King) year round,

but the best chance is usually mid July/August, and in Alaska, but it depends if they are heading to Alaska or spawning in coastal streams. The Sockeye (pictured right) return home from July to October, and you can also find them off the coasts of Japan, and

usually near streams that are connected to Lakes, as that is where the frys develop.

But who wants to go fishing in the San Juans when you can go fishing in Mongolia for Salmon three times the size of the current run of Humpies. I also just want to Mongolia it up REAL BAD. Any takers? I'll plan a trip through Ulanbataar! Who wouldn't want to drink Yak liquor in a yurt on the Steppes, gosh! AND ride mini ponies (aka my size)

This could be you (AND ME!!!!)

Check out the cute pony in the back!

Take a look at these Goliaths of Asia's interior:

These Freakishly large Russian Salmon, called Taimen, easily reach 100lbs, and usually live for well more than 50 years. There is a hilarious Mongolian legend about this Taimen that got frozen in the ice flow of a river and the hungry Mongolians would occasionally hack pieces of it off during the winter to eat, and come spring when the river thawed, it simply swam away. These babies get BIG.

The Mongoli

ans call the Taimen 'River Wolf' because they are an exceptionally aggressive predator, eating ducks, rodents, fish and prairie dogs.

These guys have been known to jump out of the water and eat gophers straight from the banks of the rivers. That's right, everybody's lovable Caddy Shack miscreant is the delightful dinner treat of the Taimen. Nothing is more exciting than fishing for a beast that could easily mistake my leg for a swimming rodent. Seeing as how these beasties are bigger than I am, death by flying Taimen is entirely plausible, possible, and in fact, probable.

Oh, and did I mention they don't really have many pain receptors, so flying at your head at 30 mph means nothing to them.

To catch these Leviathans, something called a Chernobyl Gopher is used. Sounds ominous and radioactive- probably both. They also use something called a mouse. It doesn't take much imagination to suspect that it is a real mouse hooked on the end of your fly rod. The best time to fish for them is right meow, I mean now.

Who wants to go??? I wonder if I can count the Taimen on my list of Lvl 2 Carnivores, in my pursuit to become a Lvl 2 carnivore--only eat meats that eat other meats.

Does anyone else think the word 'thesaursus' conjures the image of the librarian of Dinosaurs? Like a Brontosaurs with reading classes that maybe looks a little something like this?:

Patches

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Patches, this is not acceptable- so I shall enlighten you all with the antics of my favorite equine. I want one just like him!

I bet a horse raised on cheeseburgers would taste great. sorry I had to say it.

Fall is Upon us

So the web address hasn't changed, but I thought a more subdued picture was appropriate for the change in weather. To be sure I am not ready for this change, as we had a crappy lackluster summer, not nearly hot enough, and it only lasted for about a month, but it is Seattle, and I guess it keeps the Californians away. I am not ready for the cold by any means. Having to walk Duff in the rain is not a favorite pastime of mine. Nor is standing on the beach watching him play as cold wet sand grates my skin.

Speaking of Beaches, that is what this new picture is of. Sadly it is not one of my photos, but it will have to suffice until I take one that is autumn appropriate. If you can name the location, kudos to you- maybe I'll give you a dollar, since no one figured out the last one-- although- I'll sell you a pretty copy (framed and all) of the Loblolly Bay one, should you want some decoration for your house. I need to turn a profit here people. The other one was taken on Anegada in the British Virgin Islands at Loblolly bay. Cool island. Tricky to get into- you have to enter at the right tide or you hit the submerged coral reefs. I suppose coral is supposed to be submerged, but you get the idea. You have to be somewhat talented and know what your doing to get into the harbor properly. It is also located about 12 miles away from anything else, so if you are a bad seaman, don't even try it. It feels like your heading out into sea, into nothingness, and you breathe a sigh of relief when you see it sitting very very low in the water. Maybe when I get home from the 'Shu' I will post my article I wrote on Anegada for a webzine- I think it is legal to repost my own work? I hope? And I have one on the Highland coos, who are just too cute.

But now onto another post!

P.S. it is located in Washington, DUH

Fact Checker Unit

This is Hilarious because I had this Job with Alaska Airlines Magazine.

It's about 8 minutes long, and that chick from Flight of the Conchords is in it to boot, but well worth it. I wonder if that Really is Bill Murray's House?

How do you pronounce Puyallup?

You can do it at a trot
You can do it at a Gallop,
You can do it real slow
so your heart won't palpitate...
Just Don't be late.
Do the Puyallup!
(make sure you load the video!)

giving you the link to the site should simply be enough, but here's a taste of Mutton Busting (I would have loved this as a little kid):

You basically (the kid) hold on to the wily sheep for as long as possible. Sometimes I love the ingenuity of rednecks and their sense of fun.

I want to go this weekend and go pet some Wallabies, who is with me???

One of my favorite parts of the fair- aside from food (speaking of which the Scotish highland games should be coming up if I haven't already missed them), are ze coos.

Highland Heifers. These little buggers are SO cute! I want one. Think of it as a lawn mower.

For my loyal readers, and those who are sports fans, I would like to introduce The Dawg Dude. All Husky, all the time. And I mean the real Huskies, not some sweater vest sporting, martini sipping, Nantucket emblazoned Yale drop out school huskies.

Just wanted to give a heads up- this post will be edited later in the day, so check back- and check back often. Click on some of my ads why don't you.

Cool Ranch

You know when you do something so often or so much you dream about it. Well I don't necessarily write for this blog daily, although I try to keep it frequent, but I do think about it regularly even if I don't put the time in to type out my thought processes. I dreamed about this blog last night- that I wrote several posts, therefore I didn't need to do one today. I was relieved. I have tons of topics to write on mind you, but ah the motivation to sit down and flush out that idea.

About what did Dream Alana dream about you wonder? Quintin Tarentino. Don't ask- I have no idea, nor do I remember the other one, but a good guess is on Dragons- because I was thinking about writing on that too. Instead of a Tarentino post which may be appropriate now that I have broached the subject, I am going to talk- or write at you as the case may be- about Doritos, and their awesome effects on the palate.

In high school the main portion of my diet was probably nacho cheese Doritos, and because I played a variety of sports (with varying degrees of success) that is the only reason I wasn't categorized as a sub-species of beluga whale-- the friendliest of whales!

Anyway, I still have cravings for the chippy goodness and crunch provided by that mega corporation Frit-o-lay. Often when recovering from weekend activities I find them at their most flavorful- be that due to my enhanced (or deteriorated) sense of taste, or their superiority in the chip world, I know not. What I do know is that my love of the crunchy goodness is one that seems to transgress or transfer over species boundaries. To the animal who finds all food (apart from ginger) delicious, how does one determine the ultimate foodstuff? Well I'd say leaving one's dinner in the bowl to come follow me around the kitchen while I eat Doritos a good sign. So Duff's favorite food is Cool Ranch Doritos. His eyes bulge out of his head and he will be real patient and do anything you want for a dorito. I bet he could solve complex physics equations or write a essay on String theory if I promised him his own bag of cool ranch. Never underestimate the motivational tool that is Doritos.

Why do they call it cool ranch anyways? It tastes nothing like ranch dressing.

ok more later I gotta run...

The Britons and the French!

Right now I am watching First Knight starring Sean Connery, Richard Gere, and Julia Ormond. Before you make snap judgments about my personality (which are probably true) you must know that the reason I asked TiVo to record this movie is because of two or three scenes

at the begining of the movie which I just think are awesome. The main one being when Arthur, that'd be Connery, meets Guinivere (Ormond, not Gere) at Camelot- lots of military and fiery torches and whatnot.

You also must understand that Joanna and I used to be obsessed with this movie, why I am not really sure, because it's really not that good- although the music is pretty decent- and in fact I think it is one of the First Cd's I owned, ever. Lots of trumpets and horns and drums. All vary dramatic. Composed by Jerry Goldsmith who is responsible for many of the Star Trek themes, including Voyager, (and TNG and First Contact, etc) which is maybe why I find the music so appealing- most of those themes are horn heavy too- you just don't hear hear a lot of French horn anymore....maybe because we hate the French. Shall I start on all my French jokes now? I'll wait a bit later in the post and leave a bunch....

I think Joanna liked it because of all the pretty dresses, I liked it because of Sean Connery, who I will always have, and have had a crush on since I was not more than 6 years old. We also both like horsies, and there are lots of those! Joanna was also obsessed with Julia Ormond- probably because she was in Legends of the Fall with Brad. One of the opening scenes is als

o of Guinevere in Lyonesse playing soccer, and that was kind of cool with an old leather ball- maybe i'll do a post on the origins of soccer.

My Arthurian history is a bit fuzzy- although I used to know all about the Uther Pendragon- that would be Arthur's dad-- so I had to consult wikipedia. The name Lyonesse, in reference to the Arthurian Legend is an alteration of the Pre-French term Léonois, (a French-like language being commonly spoken at this time as this was after the wars with the Angels/Saxons/Jutes/Romano-Britons, and the Latin name of Lothian in Scotland. Although in Arthurian legend Lyonesse is located somewhere much closer to Cornwall, which incidentally was where the Britons fled to when they were pushed out of central england- Hence King Arthur of the Britons really livinging in Cornwall/Wales area. (understand this is not a complete nor comprehensive caterogorization of the history of these poeple- there have been encyclopedias written on the subject I am sure.)

It is Tennyson's poem Idylls of the King that imbued the legend of Lyonesse sinking into the ocean in modern literature- a literal cop-out used by historians for ages- Uhem Plato, *cough* Atlantis. There is archaeological evidence of a forest visible at very low tides that are said to have been part of Lyonesse before it sank into the sea with a Celtic rendition of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Tennyson refers to Lyonesse as the final battle between Arthur and his son Mordred. What awful names these people had- although I do like the name Baine- one of Arthur's knights.

Right this moment I am watching the scene where Gere runs through the supposedly impossible 'gauntlet'. Probably not so dissimilar from the MTV gauntelet but in 12th Centurey fashion. It reminds me of that dungeon in Super Mario Brothers 2, I think, where you are in the castle and those rocks fall on you when you run underneath them.

I'll have to post more later the Pup is being annoying, maybe when he settles down...

Sorry don't have time to edit!

The French Section aka Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."-David Letterman

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
-Schwartzkopf (That one is my Fave)

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."---Rush Limbaugh

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller (Also a favorite)

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."-- Regis Philbin

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." —Mark Twain

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." —Conan O'Brien

How can anyone govern a nation that has 240 different kinds of cheese? --Charles de Gaulle

“Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .”–Ted Nugent

“Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day –the description was, ‘Never shot. Dropped once."–Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke

The Brief Military History of France:
- Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

- Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War: Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

Budget Travel-athon Suggestions

So I am planning on entering an article for the Budget Travel Magazine, but what I need from you dear readers is a suggestion of my Ideal TRIP. What would this be???? Please make it as fantastical, but a real, or rumored real location as possible. I will share with you what I enter, but I need a suggestion, there are so many possibilities that maybe one of you will spark an idea. If I get in, I will buy you a VERY VERY expensive dinner, if not something else awesome.

PLEASE- IDEAS... right MEOW!

here's a pretty picture made by me to spark ideas: One is me being a tour guide in Taormina, Sicily showing the acoustics of a Roman Theater, and other is just pretty.

The Barney Blog

In Ode to Chris Miller who once wrote for 'So I married your Mother', and whom Dougie Howser aka Neil Patrick Harris really didn't want to leave the show, I provide Barney's Blog- which is hilarious. check out the side links as well.

more later....

Re: Man Vs. Wild, Bear Grylls is a Phony

Survivor Man Ultimate Challenge

So there have been reports on NPR and the YouTube clip below about the validity of Bear Grylls outdoor skills. Whether he sleeps in a Best Western nightly or roughs it up on the jungle floor, I

would like to see you climb to the canopy of the Brazilian rain forest and not die.

Edward Michael 'Bear' Grylls is still my Hero. Get this, a little biography on my current British crush:

He broke his back in three places in a parachuting accident, and then recovered and two years later became the youngest Briton to climb Everest at 23. He was in the British SAS, basically the British navy seal, serving as a Sabre soldier, trained in unarmed combat, desert and winter warfare, combat survival, medics, parachuting, signals, evasive driving, climbing an

d explosives.

Evasive driving sounds like fun.

In 2007 Grylls announced he had broken a new world record by flying a paraglider over the Himalayas, higher than Mount Everest, having to cope with temperatures of -60C and dangerously low oxygen levels to reach 29,500 feet, almost 10,000 feet higher than the previous record of 20,019 feet.

Basically he is crazy...and he is crazy attractive.

Bear has his own website, It is now going to become a link on my page.

Bear lives on a converted barge on the Thames with his wife Shara and their two sons Marmaduke and Jesse.

Marmaduke is a great name.

He has several books and is writing some kids adventure books, and he looks quite dashing on the cover of many of these. *swoon*

This article provides some interesting tidbits about the Bear Grylls Hotel stays and the not as it seems nature of his tv shows. This is still the crazy ass though that squeezed elephant dung into his mouth for water, and gnawed on a zebra flank- which Cole states doesn't taste good- apparently Bear meat (Not grylls...) tastes like wet dog also.

So wouldn't the best show ever be like a Survivor 'survive off' between Les Straud

the 'survivor man' and Bear 'man vs. wild' where they have to compete and do the same tasks and see who could out survive the other the best? I think it would be as successful as a solid gold baby- which by the way the pinnacle of success.

Mom's idea was also that on the next season of Survivor either a reward we be to hang out with Bear or at the beginning each team gets either Bear of Lee for the first few days. Wouldn't that be awesome. Yeah I think so.

I also think there should be an International Be Bear Grylls Day. He's such a badass that he scores a solid rating of 'Chuck Norris' on the International Scale Of Badassery. And so we take today to celebrate 'Man Vs. Wild' and Bear Grylls by becoming him. Here are some tips:

Sad to say I didn't come up with this idea, but I approve and agree:

International Be Bear Grylls Day

(That salmon looks delicious by the by)

1. Go parachute into the most remote wilderness you can find.

2. Bring with you only a knife, a flint, and a water bottle.

3. If you get hot, take off your underwear and put them on your head. If you are still hot, pee on your underwear before putting them on your head.

4. If you get hungry, there are many things you can eat in nature, such as bugs, worms, grubs, spiders, rotten zebra meat, snakes, sheep eyeballs, raw bird eggs, turtles, raw fish, honey, rodents, and piranha (but only if you shot them with a bow and arrow that you made).

5. If you get thirsty, find a running stream or underground aquifer. If you can't find running water, you can drink the water off of fresh elephant turds or you can drink your own fresh pee.

6. Head towards bodies of water, that's where most people live. Bonus points for making a raft.

7. Climb up all the rocks and trees that you find, and mention the time you climbed Mt. Everest at least twice.

8. If you are on a volcanic island, and your shoe catches on fire, it's too hot to walk there. Find somewhere with less magma.

9. Take off your shirt whenever possible.

Also I would like to note an up coming segment called Look alikes. This is prompted by the fact that I think Nate Mylrea looks like Bear, and Kyle looks like Zach Braff- I'll have some pictures so you can compare!!

MEERKAT INTERLUDE

It's Friday! and you know what that means???!!! Meerkat Manor has new episodes.. woooooo. Actually I did start to Tivo this- much to papa McGee's dismay. He blows through Tivo and deletes all my programs, I mean who doesn't like 20 episodes of jeopardy and lots of old southparks?

Anyway, I have been a fan of nature shows ever since I was a little kid. For that matter I am obsessed with animals in general, especially the cute and fluffy ones. When I was little I used to claim to be an expert on animals- I probably was lying, but most people didn't know the difference.

Meerkats live in 'gangs' (sounds vicious) in South Africa and Botswana-- I think they secretly run the Diamond mines. Meerkats are also known in tribal lore as 'sun angels', which protect villages from the 'moondevil' which is believed to attack stray cattle or lone tribesmen. The word Meerkat is Afrikaans for Sea Cat or Swamp cat- but they claim this was a misdefinition. In reality the meerkat is a glorified mongoose. I think they look just like their North American counterparts the Prarie Dog.

Behavior wise, they act much like a wolf pack where only the dominant male and female reproduce, thus ensuring survival for their offspring with the collective help of the group. In Meerkat Manor the Dominant Male and Female of the Whiskers Family are Zaphod and Flower respectively. It appears that the Alpha male is not always the ultimate alpha. In the Whiskers family it appears that the group is Matriarchal, lead by Flower, whereas other groups shown on the show are definitely led by the male meerkat- like the Commandos' Hannibal- so named because he has one eye. I thought a good name for him would also be Admiral Nelson- like the British hero, you know- with one eye.

When Meerkats talk its called yodeling- crazy dutch Afrikaaners, and another interesting factiod is that the females who act as babysitters who are not allowed by the alphas to reproduce often lactate to feed the groups babies themselves. It takes a village I suppose. Sometimes groups or gangs will get too big and they will split getting lost and going to different shelters and thus sometimes the seperation becomes permenant. Also there are gangs of roving males that will sometimes attack a group, steal females, and in the Case of the Whiskers Family actually join

the group as the new Dominant males, Zaphod and Yossarian. Their brothers actually stole some of the beta females and created their own group called Gattaca.

The reason this call all be filmed is there is a current study being conducted call the Kalahari Meerkat Project which surveys the long-term ecological causes and evolutionary consequences in cooperative breeding of meerkat groups. Film crews use Fiber-optic cables to film some scenes- whihc is actually quite impressive as they can view behavior in the burrow.

The film crews were housed in specially-built sheds, where they stayed until the meerkats became habituated to the presence of humans in their territory. The meerkats modified their behavior when humans were around; for example, they would seek shelter from cold early morning winds on the lee side of a human, and sometimes sentry meerkats climbed onto people if there was no suitable natural high place- which I find funny.

The main groups of study are the Whiskers Led by Flower and Zaphod- and should anything happen to those two- their daughter Rocket Dog. The Lazuli (pronounced Laj-u-lye). The Commandos- lead by Hannibal and Nikita (love the names!)-- they are neighbors from Hell. Starsky- lead by the evicted Whiskers female Mozart and Carlos. Zappa- lead by Houdini.

Timon from Lion King is a meerkat, and the mascot of the 2007 Cricket World Cup.

Meerkat vs. Prairie Dog

The fat North American cousin of the Meerkat. I guess they don't even really look the same, but they dig holes and live in burrows and have a similar family structure, only live in much smaller 'towns' or colonies. Lewis and Clark called them 'Barking squirrels'. Prarie Dog tunnels actually help channel rain water back into the ground to prevent errosion. In zoos, inorder to get the prarie dogs out of their holes in the spring they have to use a vaccuum and suck them out hahaha- imagine rodents flying up a tube! They also have a habit in captivity of coming when called by name.

These guys while considered a pest by ranchers, actually provide beneficial results to cattle grazing land, clearing it of some of the grasses no

t preferred by cattle. They also are a staple in the diet of most areal predators of the west where they live. They do the same stand up sentry thing that meerkats do.

Native Americans of the Plains used to run their ponies through Prairie Dog fields, and those that didn't break their legs they would use as war horses.

The Prairie Dog Rapture ---->>>

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