Friday:
I finished my finals in Econ, both Macro and Micro- with some stress and have a feeling I didn't do that awesome on them-but I was like whatever- It is done. So after class, I was headed down to the Mu.Shoe to make me some much needed mullah. I was in such a cathartic state that I thought why not add to the hilarity. I suited up and hopped on the SEGWAY- helmet and all. I don't know if it is classified as a vehicle or personal walking device? Anyway, riding into downtown E-town was hilarious. I have never laughed so hard. I was laughing so hard as I was cruising down main street I almost feel off. They are just so Nerdy and ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, they are perhaps one of the most awesome possessions one can own- but man, the hilarity of the situation just made me down right giddy. Here I was in a skirt and heels (and shiny iridescent blue helmet) trucking down 5th Ave, passing all these kids and old people out walking around on a sunny day shaopping, getting all kinds of awesome looks like they were saying, "what the hell is that?" "God I wish I had one", "Don't hit me"and "What the hell is that??!!". And let me tell you, these things can move. My brother-in-law got into an accident on it earlier this year where someone opened a car door into him as he was zooming by (because honestly who looks out for Segway traffic?) whereupon he flipped over the handlebars and over the car door. It would have been a sight to see, especially since my brother-in-law, Matt is like 6'5". I was in the store down the street and I heard it.....Anyway, because of this I was just laughing hysterically. Basically you see people on Segways very rarely. I saw some guy in Redmond once with one, near where I adopted Duff--basically the point is that you get remembered as that Segway guy. Evan rode it the other week up to get his prescriptions. So I rolled into the store and gave Big Suz a lesson on how to ride it. She was in love with it. I need to take it down to her house and Show Big Jimmer aka Hime how to ride it- because he is the kind of guy that will just not even think its nerdy and just love it. I love the Wilsons.
So riding it back I stopped at the Pet store and Got Duff his Food and goodies which all fight amazingly into my backpack- and I rolled on home- the giddiness reaching new levels.
Got home- unloaded, needed something to calm me down, my back was starting to hurt again (which is never cool) so I opened the fridge and there was a blast from the past sitting on the shelf. What but a Mike's hard lemonade. Now I haven't had this stuff since high school when it was the most delicious thing ever- but I had just cleaned out the boat from Seafair and someone had left one, so I brought it home thinking it might get consumed if I had a party or something at some point. So I cracked that bad boy open, more because I wanted lemonade than I wanted a cocktail, sat down and watched something on Tivo- I forget what, and basically persuaded Duff to chill till I was done to take him to the Dog Beach.....
This is where the fun begins...
Alright. Situation was as follows: I just took meds for my back, had that gross/delicious Mike's, and now I was headed down to the beach. Well, I never take my wallet because I don't want to take my purse and have to leave it somewhere while I tend to Duff or keep it attached to me at all times- so sans wallet, plus a Dog and I'm off.
I turn down Pine St. as I usually do and as has been the case in recent weeks, the two block section where it connects with Edmonds Way is blocked off with a sign saying "Local Access Only". Well, I am a local and I want to use that road. wrong answer. Also you have to understand I do this all the time. The reason it is blocked off is because Ferry Traffic on weekends extends all the way past Pine, almost up to 8th sometimes (an absurdly long way). So I continue through the road block and then turn past ferry Traffic, like I do almost every other day when I take Duffy to the beach and start headed down the road. I am driving and I notice this guy behind me who is going really fast and then starts riding my tail. Well that irritates the hell out of me so I start speeding. again wrong manuever. Turns out it is a cop.
wait, it gets way better:
So I pull over into the parking lot where my favorite Thai place is, and roll down my window. That's right I don't have electricity in my car... up walks Officer Jerry (I asked him his name later in our convo). He asks me do I know why I was pulled over. I say Yeah I have a couple of Ideas. I was probably speeding because you were right behind me and that freaked me out, and I went through that street that specifically said Local Access. But I figured it just was meant for people not to cut in the Ferry line- not for locals like me- right get it, local access. I like playing kinda dumb.
He then informed me that wasn't the case, and the reason he was riding my tail was because Cops do that because it discourages people fleeing. I asked if people really did that a lot in Edmonds, the reputation of our town being one of old retired people, he replied that surprisingly it happened a lot. So he asked me for my license and registration. Ahhhh right. license. "Well, no actually I don't have my licence because I left it at my house up the street, because I was just popping down here with the pup." "Alright well do you have anything that can confirm who you are." I look around my car. "Well I have my cell phone?, you can call someone?" he just chuckles, I then grab my quiz from the floor of my car "here's a quiz from last week, it has my name..." "well let's see your registration and insurance"
Now here is where the hilarity really begins:
I open up my glove box (where these things normally live) and out falls about 100 pieces of paper.
Imagine this, literally I open the glove box and it explodes outwards with paper. The officer is so amused he just starts laughing. I search through papers from 1998, 2004, 2005 being the most recent one I can find. I hand him that so he has something to look at while I am still rummaging. I tell him that one is expired, but I know its in here somewhere. He is just looking at me laughing. so he takes my info, asks how old I am etc etc and makes me promise that when he looks it up in his database that this is me, etc etc. he does that, comes back and says, you realize your tags are expired. "Ah ha!" I quip "actually I have one more day!" I was supposed to have gotten then changed earlier in the week, but did I, of course not. "yeah, until 12 am tonight" more chuckling. so we chat for a while, and he suggests that I find the registration and insurance and whatnot and put it in a little bag in my glove box, and get rid of all the other stuff (and he informs me how much all of this would cost if he decides to give me a ticket-- it's like $700). I just say I am so sorry and he says that I remind him of his 23 year old son, to which I ask is his son attached. That's right.... "is your son attached?" (in retrospect I can't believe I did this-just thinking about it makes me crack up)This was after we had been having a conversation for 1/2 hour while all this was going on about all the drunks in Edmonds, and how he, officer Jerry, broke up lots of nasty fights last week because of the Taste of Edmonds and I commented on how funny all the drunk 40 year old men in Tommy Bahama shirts were, and we were talking about all the new restaurants and bars opening, etc etc, exchanging jokes. The good news is he didn't give me a ticket. But seriously I speed, brake several laws (who knows how the mike's/ultram cocktail is hitting me now), Don't have my license, registration, or proof of insurance, and my tags are outdated to boot. Oh and I ask him if his son is available. Seriously, how did this happen!
Turns out his son has a girlfriend. Well was worth a shot.
Oh but the night is just beginning....