The not so Itsy Bitsy Spider

It's spider season here in the Pacific Northwest. We have several spider seasons actually- there's the autumn these things are hiding in my laundry and in my shower every morning spider season, which is fast approaching as over the last few weeks I have rescued many a spider before I shower by getting them on a piece of paper and dropping them outside (eat your heart out Buddhists--it's not that I am afraid of killing them- it's just gross and they don't hurt anyone); but currently it is walking face first every morning into spider web outside season. I hit one in the face as I exit in the morning, duck under another when I open the gate at the downstairs door, break one with my legs walking between the bushes, and sometimes ruin one that is strung between the Jeep and the Prism every morning. All this is a space of 20 seconds and less than 20 ft.

Not more than 20 minutes ago Duffers went out on the back deck and well, it's funny to watch a dog struggle with something it can't see all over it's face.

Gi-normous, possibly poisonous spiders are one of the reasons I am currently residing in my brother Tim's room at the moment. It was Evan's room, which is also now my office, or as I like to call it Valhalla- which was the name of my linksys and fifedom outside of Santa Barbara in Solvang, Ca., complete with my huge Mac with pretty screen which is fun to watch movies on from bed--but Evan was just home last week, so like an orphan in Kazakhstan, I was displaced. At least until I tear through the rest of the belongings in my room and clean it out so I can be sure no spidies can get at me while I sleep.

Most people don't really ever get bitten by spiders- the Daddy Long Legs that are so prevalent in this area, while highly venomous to small insects and critters, their fangs can't break through human skin. I, however, have had a very painful spider bite. When I was in middle school I believe I woke up one morning, probably a Monday, with this nasty painful HUGE red puffy lump on my right wrist. What was more disconcerting was that it itched like a mo-fo (I think) and it kept getting bigger even when I didn't touch it. I hope it was a spider bite at least- I have had many an odd skin ailment throughout my years as those who saw me at 8th grade graduation would know due to the flesh-eating killer marine microbe no one could identify trying to eat my face. I'll see if I can't digitize some pictures.

Some of you may find this gross, Sorry, toughen up. I am oddly fascinated by gross things.

Anyway, back to Spidies. Spiderman by the way, while I wholeheartedly adore Peter Parker in comic form, the movies with Kirsten Dunst (I have some other issues with her- like her first kiss was Brad Pitt, and she got to be in a movie with him, Antonio Banderas -who was my fave at the time, and Tom Cruise when he wasn't freakishly scary) and Toby Maguire I think are totally lame. Uber lame even. I refuse to watch them I think they are so bad.

Enough Tangents; Spiders:
Get ready:

Here is a photo I took of a tarantula on the Gainey Estate when I was working at the vineyard. After some time while I was poking it with a lab instrument, Javi- everyone's favorite Mexican cellar hand kindly informed me that they jump when irritated. I like how he waited to see if it would attack me first. I have never moved so fast.

And then there was the spider in Tim's room that was the biggest insect, arachnoid-excuse me- I have ever seen maybe outside the Insect House at Woodland Park Zoo. Jay was coming to visit and staying in there so I was cleaning the place up when I saw out of the corner of my eye this monstrosity-->

It was so BIG I could actually see all the little hairs on its head, and look it up online and identify all of its markings. Thank god it didn't move. So this not so little guy I decided couldn't be allowed to live, unlike those harmless little fellows in my tub because if it didn't bite jay, well probability was it was going to bite me at some point in the future, and damned if I was going to let that happen. I was so freaked out because it was so big- no shoe would do for this guy. I found a 5lbs hard backed dictionary, and got ready. I also figured what if I missed and scared it or it didn't die right away. I was chucking this thing from like 5 ft away, so I got another heavy book in my other hand, ready for the one -two. Well the first shot worked, but it was SO gross! It was so big i could see its internal organs. That is something someone never- ever wants to experience.

We have lots of Hobo Spiders here, Like that one i killed with the dictionary, and some Brown Recluse. Now it is true that the two are often confused, and the Brown Recluse is really the one that will kill ya, but the Hobo leaves a nasty mark as well, let's not kid ourselves. I won't gross you out with pictures, but like its cousin the Recluse, the Hobo leaves a big puffy area of skin and then a gross blister. If your looking for pictures of the recluse bite, click here. It is too graphic for me to want to save on my computer.

This is also a interesting study on drugs in spiders? Check out what they did. These Crazy! scientists injected flies with different drugs then fed them to the spiders. Check out the crazy Webs they produced. The LSD one is the best, there is not way they are going to catch anything in it! There is even a game you can play were you feed your Spidy Drugs! I just find it interesting someone actually did this test.


And this guy is the fabled Camel Spider of the Euphrates. Be afraid. Someone recently was telling me gross stories about these things- all of which are warranted, I assure you.